I was 28 years old when my partner of 7 years died. That was in 1995. I was lost. I was alone. I was suicidal, though I’d never admit I wanted to die.
I started writing my story On Grief and Recovery: One Man’s Journey in 1997. I thought I was ready. I was an experienced 30-year-old with all the knowledge in the world, after all, he writes sarcastically.
But I wasn’t ready. It turns out I’d need several more years. I needed a new, 15-year relationship; I needed another significant loss when he died in 2014; I needed perspective of other widowers going through the same thing, and I needed several more years to be able to tell the story right, and to be able to provide the hope and uplifting we all need when grieving.
And early in 2020, as a global pandemic changed our way of life, I embarked on that journey. I poured over my prior manuscript and culled the essential elements. I wrote of each love, loss and life, and about transitioning into relationships from the place of a broken heart. I wrote about how I got to the other side of the unimaginable, being widowed twice.
I needed to live before I could share with others that it could be done.
I offer practical advice from someone who’s been through it, and I hope that readers will be inspired to find their way through their loss, too. I wrote this book because it was time, and I wanted to help others get to their life after loss.
Real loss occurs when you love someone more than you love yourself. And with losing a significant other, you lose a part of yourself. After the fact, you feel existentially vacuous, marked by emotional and mental numbness. And, after that, the weight of your suffering begins to get apparent and intolerable.
Can you ever rationalize grief through this overbearing sense of losing a significant other? You can’t. However, you can learn to deal with it, over time.
How does someone pick up the pieces after losing their love and go on to find love again? And what happens when their second love also dies?
James LaVeck shares his deeply personal experience in losing his soulmate and husband, Bob, after seven years together. After several years and with the great struggle of getting back to himself, he fell in love again with his second husband, coincidentally also named Bob, and lost him too. This time, with two young children.
In this poised narrative, Jim shares the human experience, and practical advice, of coming to terms with reality and learning to rediscover oneself, living through the unimaginable suffering, not once, but twice. He shares his honest journey through grief toward recovery, and how he made the conscious decision to model grieving behavior to his children. He hopes that, by sharing his experiences, others in similar situations can resonate with and find inspiration in the messages of hope, courage, and faith.
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